What you wrote VS. What I read VS. What you should say.

The same DM I get every day:

Hi Corona.  My name is (insert witty sports picks name here) and I’m new to twitter although I have been capping sports for 25 years.  I have never had a losing season and my average is over 70% in all sports.  I am ready to bring my talents to twitter and help everyone win money.  The problem is I don’t have any followers.  I need you to give me some RTs and shout outs so I can get some followers.  I know you are all about helping twitter win so let’s get my name out there so we can all take down Vegas! Again, all I care about is helping others win!

What I read:

Hi Corona, My name is (insert witty sports pick name here) and I have no fucking idea what all this sports betting shit is about.  What I do know is people in my school (I’m in grade 11) say they’re making money selling sports “picks” on twitter.  I need to jump on this train and fast to make some bling baby!!  I need you to give me all kinds of shout outs and RTs to get my follower counts up. You have spent the last 4 years on twitter developing a reputation so you’re the perfect guy!!  I can’t gain followers the “right” way because A: that would take way too fucking long and I demand instant gratification!  B: I have no idea what I’m doing so no one would ever follower me.   The moment you’ve gained me enough followers I will hit that tout switch faster than you can crack a beer.  Before you start crying over your reputation and how I will eventually destroy it let me make it clear I give ZERO fucks about that, you, or anyone else.  I’M HERE TO MAKE MONEY FOR ME, I WANT IT NOW, AND I DON’T CARE WHO THE FUCK I SCREW OVER TO GET IT!!  NOW JUMP BITCH!!!

What you should say:

Hi Corona, My name is (insert witty sports pick name here) and I am new to twitter.  I have been following you for some time and finally decided it was time to throw my hat in the ring and post some of my plays.  I’m not looking for shout outs or anything like that.  I just wanted to introduce myself and say hi.  If you have any advice for me on how to gain followers and get my picks/name out there I would be all ears.  Thanks for your time bud, and best of luck to you.