Two huge sporting events happened this summer starring two athletes who ultimately lost. Michael Phelps raced a shark (sort of) and Conor McGregor boxed Floyd Mayweather. On Tuesday Phelps had a modest proposal.

This is stupid.

Sure, McGregor changed sports to fight Mayweather, but at least punching people in the face is the same ballpark. Essentially what Phelps is asking is for Conor to completely lose everything he knows, and enter his backyard. It’s no fair, it’s wrong, and I don’t like it.

There is a middle ground we can reach. Just like Mayweather agreeing to lighter gloves. Thereby I propose …


Now we can take advantage of both athletes’ strengths in one venue. McGregor knows how to punch and has the submission game down, but he’s nowhere near as fast in the water as Phelps. Meanwhile, Phelps has little-to-no fighting prowess, but he’s got conditioning and speed in the water.

McGregor and Phelps are dropped in the middle of an Olympic pool with the lane ropes removed and immediately need to begin fighting. The only ways to win are by knockout or submission. We will not have rounds, as this is an endurance fight.

Each athlete can evade and swim away from their opponent, however every three minutes the pool will shrink. We don’t have a mechanism for how this works yet, but it will either be mechanical or we will set some of the water on fire — because that would be fun and dramatic.

The whole fight would be in a glass-bottom pool so we could get amazing angles of the fight and watch as two finely tuned athletes thrash around like hooked tuna trying to escape their captors.

You know you would watch this. We all would.