Do you like camouflage? What about blue? Well, friends, do I have a treat for you …
Every year, you turn on the TV and see your favorite team wearing an unexpected uniform. Like, for example, the Red Sox wearing blue socks. You’ll say, “Why are the Red Sox wearing blue socks?” loudly, hoping someone will help you with your cognitive dissonance. No one will come to your rescue. And you’ll still have forgotten to call your father, which will deepen your existing issues.
It’s a mess all around. But these uniforms exist to celebrate different holidays and events. Over at SportsLogos.net, they have the mockups for each special-event uniform, including the 2017 All-Star Game and Home Run Derby.
— Chris Creamer (@sportslogosnet) April 11, 2017
There are six Reds hats up there. A couple of them are red. Two of them don’t have red at all. This is amusing to me.
I will rank these special-event uniforms.
6. Father’s Day
Because when I’m thinking about how hard I work as a father — cooking dinner, wiping noses, coaching softball, yelling a lot — all I’m thinking about about is the reward on the other side. And that reward is to have my favorite baseball team engage in some Royals cosplay for an entire afternoon.
Thank you, Major League Baseball. I never knew my life was missing this.
5. Memorial Day
While they do allow me to use one of my favorite tired jokes (“What hat, I can’t see a hat???), the camouflage hats look bad and make me spell camouflage, which I am incapable of doing correctly the first three times.
Mostly, though, there’s something off about “Thank you for your sacrifice. We have cobbled together these dour camouflage hats in your honor.” At least they took the camouflage off the jerseys, though. This selection is actually an improvement over last year.
4. Mother’s Day
I actually like the pink, in theory, so this is something of a turning point in the special-event category. What I don’t like is the monotony of every team wearing the same color in the same game. It’s confusing.
This is the problem with special-event uniforms: You can have one of the following:
- Distinct colors to honor the holiday
- Distinct team colors
- A horribly clashing mish-mash of 1. and 2.
But you cannot have two of them. You have to pick the holiday, the team, or clashing.
I’d rather have the uniforms read, “HELL YEAH, MOTHER’S DAY” in the team colors, really. We can workshop the exact phrasing later.
3. Independence Day
The hats can get monotonous, but I do like the blue they use for them. Also, if you go to the SportsLogo site, you’ll see the Nationals uniform, which is almost good enough to tempt me into suggesting a permanent change.
Mostly, though, I didn’t want to put this uniform down right after I did the same with Memorial Day. I love my country, how dare you suggest what I think you’re suggesting.
2. Home Run Derby
They are super Marlins, which is the point. The blue and orange are impossible to avoid, but I love the socks and the underbill of the hats.
The Marlins should wear these socks every day, really.
1. All-Star Game
The only problem with these is that the hats come in one of just four colors. A little more variety would have been preferable. But I love the heather and how the cap and bill aren’t two different colors. I like the teams wearing their own logos, of course, which is probably a lesson for the other holidays. Also, I like the socks.
Really, I’m mostly suggesting that every team should come up with their own badass socks for every regular season game. EXCEPT FOR YOU, DIAMONDBACKS, WAIT, COME BACK HERE, WHAT HAVE I DONE
Special-event uniforms are bad, usually. Some are worse than others. Really, the only ones that make me mad on the internet are the Father’s Day ones, just because it feels like I’ve earned the right to be annoyed by them. Your mileage may vary.