Kevin Garnett – one of Earth’s best humans – was on stage with two men who are a part of the “I drink Colt 45s” club, Ben Wallace and Rasheed Wallace. For at least a minute or two, they watched highlight tapes of Garnett beating or trying very hard to beat someone’s damn ass.

Observe (courtesy of the boys at “The PUP List” blog):

Because I’m all about the constant development of unity and race relations in this wonderful country, I have prepared for you a transcript of what you just saw:

KG: “This is just a hard foul. F**k it. They was hard-foulin’ me.”

Laughs

KG: “Man, turn this off. Don’t nobody wanna see this sh**.”

Sheed: “Uhnnnnnnhhh! Okay, Joe!”

Many laughs

Sheed: “Ain’t no, ain’t no post up ova here.”

KG: “Dog! Look. Look at Jazz! Look! I’m like, ‘what we doing Jazz?’”

ED NOTE: NO ONE KNOWS WHO JAZZ IS

Sheed: “Aye, but hold up, doe. Hold up, doe, fam.”

KG: “Nah, f**k that. What we doing?”

Inaudible words from the sound lady

Sheed: “Hold up, doe, fam. How you come to the joint wit ya hands like this?”

Sheed clenches his hands to make him look like an angry 7 year old

Sheed: “How you hold ya hands like this: ‘like n**** what?’ N***********.”

KG: “I just came in and said ‘What we doing?’ Look. I gave him a hard foul, right here. Shoot, they hard foulin’ we hard foulin’.

Sheed: “But the come over … watch how you come over, tho, watch how you come over.”

KG: “I was wantin’ it the whole series wit this n****.”

KG then taps Ben Wallace who has been laughing and maybe half sleep for the first 40 seconds of this. Sheed however, is very awake

Sheed: “Ooouuuuuu n**** what? N**********ouuuuuuu.”

Laughter. Ben Wallace has now decided to stand

KG: “So then, he pushed me. HOLD ON, n****.”

Ben: “Is that why you mushed him?”

ED NOTE: an extreeeeeemely valid question

KG, pointing: “LOOK, I want it wit you! I WANT IT wit you! WHATS UP?!

Sheed: “Ayeeeeeeeee”

KG: “I want it wit you”

Sheed: “Ayeee”

Ben: indescribable laughter

KG: “I want it wit you, what’s happnin?”

Inaudible words

KG: “So look, I held eem up. I’M RIGHT HERE.”

Sheed: “BUM ASS RAEF LAFRENTZ.”

ED NOTE: can attest to the fact that Raef is a bum-ass

Ben, decidedly disappointed: “Raef LaFrentz.”

Bless the internet for this timeless gem.